Early Girl Eatery
8 Wall Street
Beer selection: Exciting variety of local brews for lunch or breakfast!
Food: Delicious, down-home, sustainable, natural, cage-free, hormone-free, hand-scooped, grass-fed, free-range, organic, no GMO, personally-blessed-by-Pope-Francis, Southern cooking.
I hate liberals.
I’ve dedicated my entire life to fighting against everything they stand for.
I especially hate how they use every problem, vice, and inconvenience in their life as an opportunity to use the levers of government to take more money and liberty away from my life!
Why don’t you just leave me the heck alone!?!
But after a visit to the Early Girl Eatery in liberal heaven Asheville, North Carolina, even I have to confess that every once in awhile they get a few things right.
Like food. And beer.
I mean, think about it. Think about your town.
Where do “Republicans” live…and eat…and drink?
Right. On a cul-de-sac amid some cookie-cutter, anti-septic, soulless expanse of suburbia hell.
They hop in their minivan with their 2.5 kids, and drive exactly 2.7 miles (which takes 15 minutes because of all the traffic lights) to the nearest shopping center where they dine at some predictable corporate chain and order the “2 for $20” and a 22oz. draft of Bud Light.
And where do the liberals live?
Right. In the cool part of the city.
On the cobblestone streets lined with century old oak trees, 100-year-old Victorian mansions, and a variety of eclectic shops, bistros and bars. Where they’ve got an old-timey movie theater that show those obscure and “edgy” indie flicks.
Think Germantown in Columbus. Georgetown in DC. Ghent in Norfolk. Riverside in Jacksonville. Every city’s got one.
Granted, the vape-smoking, forehead-pierced, Trump-is-literally-Hitler-you-guys annoy the crap out of me too, but that’s the price you gotta pay for good craft beer and gourmet pizza.
Of course, then there’s the other side of the spectrum, like many of my friends who describe themselves as “paleo-libertarians”. Think conservatives who are doomsday preppers and love Alex Jones.
Paleo-libertarians live deep in the swamp, out in the woods, or up on the mountain where they can kill their own meat, collect their own rainwater (until Obama banned it), make moonshine, and sit on a tinder box of ammo in anticipation of the “establishment” from both sides finally screwing the whole thing up.
Beyond that, they don’t venture out much. They’re the guys who will be prepared when America is reduced to a rubble-strewn landscape inhabited by marauding flesh-eating zombies.
Okay, so they might be fanatical, but I’m heading straight to their bunker the first sign of trouble!
Which somehow loops me back to the liberal, organic, free-range, downtown of Asheville, North Carolina, the quintessential liberal neighborhood.
Which also brings me back to my confession….
…..So here it is…..
Organic, free-range, farm-to-table tastes better than frozen, processed, boxed, nitrated, artificially colored, and chemically laden.
There. I said it, ok?
But, here is where I have the problem.
Liberals think all six billion people on the planet should be forced to eat, buy, and sell this way by government fiat.
As far as I’m concerned, if “Republicans” want to live off a diet of preservatives and high fructose corn syrup and call that eatin’ good in the neighborhood, then they should be free to do so.
Me? Given the choice, I’ll take the all-natural fare served at the Early Girl Eatery.
Everything I ordered – from the locally brewed Ninja Porter, to the fried green tomatoes, to the North Carolina Smoky Mountain stream trout, to the candied yams, to the ham-studded collard greens, to the buttermilk biscuits – was made fresh, organic, all-natural, and local.
And it was absolutely delicious.
The local, organic fried green tomatoes tasted more tomatoey. The collard greens tasted greener. The yams tasted yammier.
You get the idea.
It makes sense when you think about it. The less you molest your food between seedling and plate, the fresher it will taste when it gets there.
And that’s a concept even an avowed liberal hater like me can appreciate.
Rating: Seriously Thought About Buying Shirt.