So you’ve booked a luxury beach vacation and you’re ready to kick back and let all your cares fade away.
You’ve got your beach chair, a good book, some snacks and a beverage, when suddenly a violent drunk comes out of nowhere, ready to ruin your day.
It’s happening in some top tourist destinations – and even local officials and law enforcement are at a loss about how to stop it.
You may be thinking, “How can this be? Throw the dudes in jail if they’re attacking people and ruining their dream vacation.”
Well, the problem is, these drunks aren’t grown men making poor choices.
They’re monkeys.
Hand over your beer and no one gets hurt.
Yep, drunk monkeys are on the loose in some of the most frequented tourist spots in Asia.
Thailand, in particular, has a rampant drunk monkey problem.
Besides the incredible scenery, including tranquil beaches and national parks, one of the reasons people travel to Thailand is to see its wildlife.
Most of us know better than to feed wild animals, but grey macaques are monkeys… and monkeys are so cute, right?
Tourists seemed to think so, so they’d share their snacks and snap photos. But then local authorities noticed that public areas like beaches were becoming overrun with the little guys.
They started warning tourists not to feed the monkeys, and the monkeys did not like that. Not one bit.
Now, they are becoming a big problem.
The macaques had gotten used to people feeding them and had become somewhat tame. But when tourists stopped freely offering them snacks, they started taking what they wanted by force.
And this includes beer – or whatever other alcoholic beverage they can get their little hands on. Little hands with sharp claws. Oh, and they’ve also got a pretty scary set of teeth.
When the monkeys are hungry, or when they’re drunk, they get nasty.
Many a tourist on Phi Phi Island, Yong Gasem Bay, and other Indonesian beaches have filmed the drunken monkeys lashing out.
They grab what they can take, and if someone is too close, they’ll swipe at a tourist or bare their teeth. There have been many close calls, and many actual injuries.
Just like humans, the inebriated, hungry alpha males are the grumpiest. They know what they want (more beer) and what they don’t (tourists hovering around them calling them “cute”).
And… they do not like making eye contact! This is a sign to them that you are not willing to part with your beer, and they’re not gonna have it.
Some tourists report being chased down on the beach for their snacks and beverages. Picnickers are raided and traumatized, and one woman was run down so quickly that she faceplanted right in the sand.
It seems funny when you see these videos on YouTube. . . until someone gets their face ripped off for not having more beer.
I’ve been to parties like that, and let me tell you, it’s not pretty.
But Indonesia and Thailand are not the only Asian countries with a problem.
Violent monkey gangs…
Another popular tourist spot in China is trying to figure out what to do with an increase in gang activity.
Mount Emei is famous for its monkeys. They’re part of the charm and can be fun to watch.
Unless they’re hungry and fighting over food.
In that case, just like a scene out of West Side Story or The Outsiders, scores of monkeys band together out of nowhere for a monkey version of a rumble.
One incident involved a swarm of monkeys who clearly separated into two groups to face off. They swarmed around each other, taunting and screaming until the outnumbered group took off after a vicious fight.
They’ve gotten so aggressive that now park staffers must carry slingshots in case a tourist appears to be in danger.
I can just see these “monkey gangs” sneaking through the forests, armed with little monkey switchblades, just looking for a beer and a fight.
Indonesia is also home to the Sacred Monkey Forest, another popular tourist hotspot in Bali. It’s home to more than 800 monkeys, including macaques.
While feeding the monkeys is permitted, staffers warn tourists to never – never, ever – tease a monkey about having food.
If you put a hand out to them and they think you’re offering food when you don’t actually have anything, you’d darn well better come up with something quick if you want to keep your fingers.
The monkeys here are completely used to humans and have no problem coming up to tourists and taking what they want — climbing up a tourist’s back, stealing backpacks, hats, and whatever else they can find.
They don’t have much access to beer in the sanctuary, but that doesn’t stop them from looking for a cold one.
So if you’re traveling to Southeast Asia anytime soon and want to see these famous monkeys, watch your back – and hide your beer.
