After a viral video nearly broke the internet, our geezer editor wrote an article condemning all seat recliners on airplanes as flying heretics that should be cast into the back seats of airline hell.
Now, I’m not a multi-million-mile flyer like our editor, but I’ve seen Up in the Air more than four times and that’s just as good.
In fact, my opinion should count more than our editor’s as my generation is the future of our nation!
I’m a Victim!
I pay the same amount as the person sitting behind me and that means I can do whatever I want with my own seat – after all – this is ‘Merica and I have a right to be happy and live my truth!
If you’re the geezer sitting behind me on my 3 hour flight coming back from Spring Break on Padre Island and you get mad, just chill bro!
To quote the greatest poet of my generation, Taylor Swift, “Somebody made you cold but that cycle ends right now, ‘Cause you can’t lead me down that road… Why you gotta be so mean?”
If the person in front of me reclines their seat, I just take a chill pill and relax, put on my Bose noise-canceling headphones, blast Billie Eilish so loud even the bourgeoisie can hear it in First Class and enjoy my quinoa and avocado salad.
Your Seat has that Button for a Reason!
The airlines, in all their wisdom, put that button on your seat for a reason… so we can achieve some modicum of comfort on these climate-changing death machines.
Every passenger should know this before they board the plane – and if you don’t care about my personal comfort, then find another mode of transportation (preferably one that doesn’t hasten our planet’s demise) or pay a small amount to upgrade to Comfort or First Class.
After all, it’s my choice to push that button, not the person behind me.
I have the right to choose my own comfort over yours, after all, I’m from the greatest generation!
The generation that invented Facebook, Spotify, and Tinder. So, yes, I’m entitled to comfort on my flight even if it make someone else uncomfortable.
It’s all about ME and my Truth!
I can’t keep up this charade anymore…
I, Colonel Cole, am a millennial (please don’t tell anybody), and as you may be able to tell, this article is making fun of my own selfish and entitled generation.
If you are that millennial (or a member of any other generation), please be mindful of the person sitting behind you.
My one disagreement with our editor is on a red-eye flight.
Everybody on that plane is miserable because they can’t sleep (if you’re that person that can sleep on a plane, keep it to yourself), so it’s ok to consider reclining in that situation, especially if the seat behind you is empty.
To sum it up… even Millennials know Millennials are terrible…
But still – be kind, don’t recline! Seriously.